“I am worthy because He values me and has placed this confidence in me.” - Kalvin
I was sharing my journey with a friend, and as I was sharing, I was reminded once again of how I was transformed into the person I am now. The greatness of God's love and faithfulness throughout my journey never fails to amaze me. Back then, 6-7 years ago, my life was void of purpose, desire, and direction. Everything I did was a routine. I didn’t understand why God existed. I was a hermit - I had no interpersonal skills, no confidence, be it in myself or in God. When I spoke, I stuttered and could hardly strike up a proper conversation. I was a socially awkward individual who did not know how to speak to others. I was a loner, I had no real friends. I was this insignificant person often overlooked by others. My life was irrelevant. Although I was a Christian at that time, there was no one around me to remind me that God was there. Church became a routine and it was meaningless to me as I did not feel that I belonged in it and I thought that I could not fit in. It was a dark period for me as I felt that life was worth nothing. Because of all that, I shut out everyone else and kept everything to myself. I was a total wreck.
Little did I know that in this wreckage, the Father always had me in His heart. He wanted me home, He wanted to reach out to me, and He never gave up. Never once.
The Father's love brings purpose. Although I was lost in the most barren wilderness, He never left me. Through sands and storms, He provided me with an oasis where I found peace, respite, and purpose. Despite all my transgressions, He still wanted me home by His side. Even when I strayed, His love guided me on the right path, and towards the promise He has for me.
The Father's love brings value. He brought me out from the shipwreck I was in into His amazing love. I was in a trench far away from the Father, lost in a place of worthlessness. But the Father values and identifies it all: every single feeling of weakness and worthlessness. How do I know? Because Jesus died on the cross for me, and by faith, it gives me sufficient reason to believe I am worthy because He values me and has placed this confidence in me. How did I come to know about it? Through the CG that I attended as a member previously. There, I met supportive people who radiate God's love. It was a comfortable environment where I finally felt a sense of belonging, and I realized the feeling of not belonging was actually from myself and not the people around me. I became more willing to express myself and started to feel comfortable speaking with a group of people.
I also started to really know God even better for who He is. It was then when I began to trust God and surrender to Him fully. When I made that decision to surrender all I have to the Father, my confidence started to grow as I journeyed together with God alongside my CG. From a person who was socially awkward, I started to open up to people, plan for activities in the CG, and make friends. Through a community of believers and by surrendering myself to him, God transformed me through His love.
The Father's love brings joy. Right now, in whatever I do, there is always this constant joy that permeates it. Back then, being a church leader was beyond impossible to me as I couldn't even speak properly. Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever thought of serving in church. From serving in the Department of Visual Arts, to helping out in camps and serving in CG, and now as a zone leader, God's faithfulness never once diminished. He placed many people around me to support, guide, mentor, and care for me. They are all incredible blessings placed in my life because of God's love for me.
If the Father's love can transform me, imagine the great things He can do with you! It is incredible how God can so drastically transform someone. All you have to do is surrender, believe in Him, and be part of a CG. In no time you will experience supernatural miracles taking place in your life. Have faith and mountains will be moved! That's a promise, because we are all children to a good Father. ❤️
- Chan Kalvin